The scene is this: I am with my wife Erica and our 7 year old daughter Luna at our first big entertainment event together as a family in quite a while. We love this show on Netflix called ‘Magic For Humans’ hosted by a magician named Justin Williams. If you haven’t seen it yet please get it on your cue because it is absolutely delightful. We are celebrating Erica’s birthday, our daughter is all dressed up, we splurged on a fancy dinner. We’ve never been to a magic show before and are all totally stoked. Luna is nervous because it is a lot of energy to navigate for her.
The theatre is sold out and when we sit down I notice a group of 5 young men who look between 12-14 years old. They are sitting without an adult present and snickering. As soon as we sit down I start to hear them using really violent patriarchal speech patterns. They say nothing actually kind to one another but instead fling insults, violent words and threats around as entertaining expressions of their friendship with one another. I immediately feel my body tense and my own anger flair. I notice the same in my daughter (though she can't hear as much as I can) and my protective instincts kick into gear. The first thing I do is lean over to her and remind her that she is only responsible for feeling her own energy. I encourage her to detach and focus on the loving energy of her mom and I who are sitting on either side of her.
Parental protection shield in place, a narrative in my head starts up that I need to shut them up, quickly. I need to whip around in my chair and intimidate them with my voice to force their compliance. So in my own head I start cussing, thinking about violence, scheming to get them kicked out so I can have my peace and protect my daughter. Being that I am in control of my energy field and am communicating with subtle energy that they are pissing me off, they center in on me. My seat gets kicked. Luna’s seat gets kicked. My shoulder gets tapped. I wait probably 10 second and turn around giving my best dad look. They laugh hysterically and one says “It wasn’t me, it was him. He likes you.” I see what’s going on and decide not to take the bait, turn back around and work to shift my energy.
What I have just described above is how I experience the Patriarchy, which I consider to be the shadow expression of the Divine Masculine. That is the voice of the patriarchy that lives and moves inside of me. When met with violence, respond with violence. When a man intentionally oversteps in his language, do not challenge it. If you need to get something done, act first and ask questions later. Through years and years of practice I have trained myself to flag internal speech patterns like this as separate from my individual identity. I know that isn’t me talking, that is the relentless programming of the Patriarchy bubbling up to maintain dominance.
So I breathe deeply. I do not react impulsively. I consider what repercussions any explosive actions may have on our family’s ability to enjoy the performance. I drop into my heart space (the LAST place the Patriarchy wants to you be). I am overwhelmed with what I hear just beneath the surface of their vitriol. I hear love, excitement, vulnerability, emotion. Even though I am not facing these young men I can feel their softness and the insecurities they hold in their developing bodies. I can notice how close their child self is to the surface. I love them for their innocence in presenting this façade. I see the potential of the Divine Masculine wanting to rise up. I focus on loving them for their beautiful potential, and say a silent prayer to Spirit to help them find their way. And their attention shifts. They quiet down as more and more people file in. The lights dim, the show begins, and all of a sudden there aren’t 4 punk 13 year old's talking shit and trying to get a reaction out of this Soft-Strong Man. There are entertained young men laughing with the rest of us, delighting in the wonder of a magic show. As the lights come back on when the show is finished, Spirit begins to translate some of the misogyny for me, giving me deeper insight into what I witnessed.
What follows is a form of creative expression wherein I take the violent words I heard during this performance and share what I imagine their translation to be from the perspective of the healed masculine archetype: the Divine Masculine. This exercise contains words that may be triggering or offensive for some folks who read this. These words do not constitute my personal beliefs and are not intended to harm or target any individual populations, specifically the LGBTQ+ community. I love you, I intend this as a healing exercise.
Reimagining a conversation between teenage boys
When you say: Dude you are so fucking gay
I imagine what you are really saying is: “I like you a lot and I am excited to be here. Will you pay attention to me?”
When you say: Why are you such a faggot for [NAME]?
I imagine what you are really saying is: “You must really like [NAME]. I see the way you treat him is different from the way you treat me. I want you to treat me that way because I really like you.”
When you say: I’m gonna fuck your mom.
I imagine what you are really saying is “I am so horny right now and I have no idea what to do about it. Why isn’t anyone else talking about this? Am I the only one?” When you say: Dude, quit being such a pussy.
I imagine what you are really saying is: “Your emotions are making me uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do.”
When you say: I’m only here because I got a free ticket. Magic is fucking gay.
I imagine what you are really saying is: “I’m feeling pretty nervous and excited about this. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come or not, but I’ve always wanted to see a magic show. I feel special that I got invited for free.”
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